Crossing Arms and We Are All Different
Purpose: Creating a positive working atmosphere and encouraging flexible thinking; introduction to the next activities.
Issue addressed: The tendency toward rigid thinking among NEET young people and the assumption that others perceive reality in the same way we do.
Relevance to mental health: Rigid thinking and a lack of cognitive flexibility can contribute to conflicts, interpersonal stress, difficulties in adapting to new situations, and emotional blockages. Becoming aware of different perspectives is essential for empathy, tolerance, and emotional regulation.
Intended change: Raising awareness of cognitive inflexibility, increasing the ability to accept different perceptions, and encouraging openness to changing one’s perspective, even when this feels uncomfortable.
Context of pilot implementation
This activity was implemented as part of a pilot action carried out within the MEET project at the “Meșterul Manole” Theoretical High School in Sălcuța village, an associated partner of Ion Creangă State Pedagogical University of Chișinău. The pilot action was conducted with two distinct groups of students. The younger group consisted of 10 boys and 14 girls from grades 5 to 8, aged between 12 and 14. The older group included 4 boys and 14 girls from grades 9 to 12, aged between 15 and 17. In both groups, the sessions were facilitated by two trained facilitators, following the same activity structure while adapting the pace and reflection depth to the age specific characteristics of the participants.
Theoretical background
Cognitive flexibility refers to a person’s ability to adjust their thinking, behaviours, and emotional reactions according to different contexts. In mental health, it is an important protective factor and is associated with adaptability, resilience, and healthy interpersonal relationships. People often believe that their way of seeing things is “natural” or “right.” This assumption can lead to judgments, conflicts, or resistance to change. Simple experiential exercises that involve the body can make these mechanisms visible in a safe and accessible way. The “Change Your Perspective” tool uses body-based metaphors (crossing fingers and arms) to illustrate the idea that what feels natural to some people may feel unnatural to others. By directly experiencing the discomfort caused by changing an automatic position, participants can more easily understand how perspective change works at both cognitive and emotional levels. The exercise creates space for reflection on individual differences and highlights the need for openness and empathy.
Target group
- Age: 16–30 years (also adaptable for adults)
- Profile: students, NEET young people, youth from vulnerable backgrounds, diverse groups (urban/rural, minorities)
- Context: non-formal or formal education settings (educational activities, workshops, training sessions)
Context of use
Location: School, NGO, youth centers, community centers, etc.
Types of skills and dimensions addressed:
- Socio-emotional skills: empathy, tolerance, acceptance of differences
- Relational skills: open communication, reduction of judgments
- Self-regulation skills: tolerating discomfort
- Awareness skills: awareness of one’s own automatic behaviours and perspectives, cognitive flexibility, critical thinking
Activity description – step by step
Step 1: Introduction – “We are all different”
Duration: 5 minutes
Procedure: Participants are asked to clasp their hands together so that their fingers interlock. They are then invited to observe which thumb is on top. Next, participants are asked to raise their hand if, like the facilitator, they had the left thumb on top (they are told that for this step they can separate their hands). Approximately half of the participants raise their hand, regardless of whether they are right-handed or left-handed. Then, the other participants are asked to raise their hand, those who had the right thumb on top. The facilitator highlights that what feels natural for some people does not feel natural for others. For example, we often assume that people should see things the same way we do, but through this simple exercise we realize that this is not always the case.
Table 1. Actions – Step 1.
| Facilitator’s Actions | Participants‘ Actions |
|---|---|
| Invite participants to clasp their hands together with fingers interlocked. | Perform the exercise and notice the differences in thumb positioning (left or right) between participants. |
| Ask them to observe which thumb is on top. | |
| Request participants to raise their hand based on which thumb is on top. | |
| Highlight the approximately equal distribution of thumb positions within the group. |
Reflection: This exercise helps participants realize that people are different, and what feels natural for some can feel unnatural for others. It also highlights the importance of being able to change our perspective, even if it feels uncomfortable, in order to see things from a different point of view.
Step 2: Changing the position
Duration: 3 minutes
Procedure: The facilitator asks participants to change the position of their fingers (ensuring that not just the thumb but all the other fingers are repositioned as well). When asked how they feel now, participants typically respond with words like: strange, awkward, or uncomfortable.
Table 2. Actions – Step 2.
| Facilitator’s Actions | Participants‘ Actions |
|---|---|
| Ask participants to completely change the position of their fingers (not just the thumb, but all fingers should be repositioned). | Change the position of their fingers as instructed. |
| Ask participants how they feel after making the change. | Reflect on and share how they feel about the new position (e.g., strange, awkward, uncomfortable). |
Reflection: This exercise helps participants become aware of the diversity in how people experience the same life situation and helps them reconnect with their „grip“ on reality.
Step 3: The "Crossing Arms" Exercise
Duration: 5 minutes
Procedure: After completing the previous exercise, participants are invited to try a “more advanced version.” In this exercise, they are asked to cross their arms and observe which arm is on top. As before, participants raise their hands based on which arm is on top. The facilitator points out that many of those who had their right thumb on top in the previous exercise now have the opposite arm on top. As in the previous exercise, the group is roughly divided in half for each option. Participants are then asked to try the „switched“ arm position. Most report that this feels “even stranger” than before. The facilitator again emphasizes that what feels natural for some may feel forced for others, and vice versa.
Table 3. Actions – Step 3.
| Facilitator’s Actions | Participants‘ Actions |
|---|---|
Invite participants to cross their arms and observe which arm is on top. | Experiment with the new arm position and notice the discomfort or awkwardness associated with it. |
Highlight the differences compared to the previous exercise. | |
| Ask participants to change the position of their arms. |
Reflection: The exercise serves as a metaphor for how people perceive things in different ways. Some may approach things more rationally and healthily, while others may need to change their perspective in a way that feels uncomfortable but natural for others. Often, we assume that people filter things the same way we do; we tend to make too many assumptions, rather than opening our minds. Just as each person can move their fingers, they can also shift their one-dimensional thinking, which often leads to people feeling stuck.
Step 4: Guided Reflection
Duration: 5 – 7 minutes
Procedure: After completing the experiential exercises, the facilitator invites participants to engage in a guided reflection. The focus is on the connection between the physical discomfort experienced during the exercises and similar situations in real life, where changing a cognitive or emotional perspective is necessary but difficult. This reflection takes place in a safe, non-pressuring environment, where participants are not expected to provide „correct“ answers.
Table 4. Actions – Step 4.
| Facilitator’s Actions | Participants‘ Actions |
|---|---|
| Ask participants the following questions: | Reflect on the questions and provide their answers. |
| What felt natural and what felt uncomfortable? | |
| Where do we encounter similar situations in real life? | |
| What does it mean to change our perspective? |
Reflection: This step helps participants integrate the physical experience at a cognitive and emotional level, turning the exercise into a consciously realized metaphor for real life. Participants can observe that changing perspective is often accompanied by discomfort, resistance, or confusion. However, this discomfort is not a sign of danger, but rather an indicator of stepping out of automatic behaviours.
Required Materials: No physical materials are needed.
Possible Adaptations:
The reflection can be done in small groups, using simplified language, slower pacing, and giving more time for reflection. It’s important to avoid putting pressure on participants to speak.
Impact Evaluation of the Activity
| Indicator | Evaluation method |
|---|---|
| Level of awareness of perspective differences | Pre/post mini-survey with statements such as: |
| Willingness to accept the discomfort of change | „People see things differently than I do.“ |
| Openness to different opinions | „I can try to change my perspective.“ (Scale 1–5) |
| An alternative feedback could be: A final word about what participants take with them from the exercise. |
Reactions observed during the pilot activity
The reactions of participants within this session differed slightly between age groups and genders, offering valuable insights for practitioners. In both groups, girls generally engaged more quickly in verbal reflection and were more willing to articulate feelings related to discomfort, awkwardness, and perspective change. Boys, especially in the younger group, tended to express their reactions initially through non-verbal cues such as laughter or hesitation, but gradually became more involved during the guided reflection phase. In the older group, both boys and girls demonstrated a higher level of self-awareness and were able to more explicitly connect the physical experience of discomfort with real life situations requiring cognitive or emotional flexibility. Overall, the activity created a safe and engaging space for both genders, supporting openness, mutual understanding, and reflective dialogue.
Risks and warnings
- Avoid ridiculing participants.
- Do not force the sharing of personal experiences.
- The tool does not address trauma but instead focuses on raising awareness.